blog your heart

After too long away from the beautiful blogs that inspire, encourage and touch my heart, I found myself looking through the list here on blogger a couple of days ago. The first one I read really spoke to me and reminded me there is no such thing as coincidence.  Jenni of Hufford House had blogged her heart and reminded me that there are other women who share very similar experiences and feelings.  Jenni's post made me feel hopeful and reminded me how much I missed blogging and reading authentic blogs. The link about blog your heart lead me to a blog written by Stephanie of Just Me and My Soldier and Our Four Little Chicks who has a monthly challenge blog your heart.  After reading her blog and the wonderful comments, I realized this would be a wonderful way for me to recommit to my blog as a fresh start.

Here's my heart this month.

1.  I have always loved the holidays. When my sons were growing up, I went all out for the holidays and they made it even more magical than when I was a little girl.  My sons are adults now and many times they have other plans. I always imagined I would be a grandmother, but life doesn't always turn out as we had hoped.  This year I am planning to go all out anyway.  I am going to focus on bringing joy to those who need it most.

2.  My depression swallowed me up and I believed that I didn't have the strength to fight it anymore.  Living in a small rural town without family or friends made it easier to give in to it and I did for way too long.  I have been fighting to crawl out of it one day at a time and my youngest son's beautiful girlfriend came over and offered her hand and heart to me.  We had a day of attacking some things that had piled up and I have been so motivated every day since that day.

3.  I've been on Facebook since my son set up a profile for me five years ago. Lately the negativity of "friends" and family had begun to distress me so last week I deactivated my account and two benefits have become clear; less anxiety and the lost hours and days I spent on Facebook are now mine to be productive or creative.

4. Before my husband became disabled and we had to leave Baltimore and move back to Amherst, I worked as a Medical Coordinator for a non-profit agency that provided supervised homes in the community for 70 developmentally disabled adults. I loved being an advocate for people who weren't able to advocate for themselves. I miss working, but more than that I miss doing work that is meaningful and adds to the quality of life for others. There aren't any jobs available in this area, but I need to brush up on my skills with the hope that Mark will do good enough in physical therapy post surgery so that we can move back near the civilized world and I can go back to work.

I am grateful for being inspired to read some blogs and finding blog your heart through Jenni's post.  

xo Susi xo